A Fieldbook Assignment

Dear Friend,
Before arriving in Beijing, I traveled to Guangdong with my mother for about a week. I primarily stayed within Kaiping, where both my parents are from and visited their ancestral villages. I met distant relatives that I do not remember meeting before and also visited my father’s businesses with the guide of my father’s friends/business partners. It was at the crux of my interactions with these two communities that left me feeling conflicted—with my distant cousin I ate cheap, delicious food from the street and strolled around Kaiping in a Chinese car while with my father’s friends, we ate at upscale restaurants and received massages. In short, I was not sure what it meant to be American nor what it meant to be Chinese. I know that being American gave me privilege—a privilege that I did not deserve and I knew that being Chinese gave me a secure box to fit into but a box I did not necessarily identify with either. These thoughts stayed with me as I started a new chapter as an international student at Beijing University—Beijing Da Xue.
Arriving in Beijing I suppose I’d have to say the first thing one would notice is the differences in driving habits of Beijingers versus Americans. The Chinese here do not necessarily obey lane lines and squeeze through tight corners a whole lot more often. The biggest differences for me, though, is that they do not yield for pedestrians and though to this day I still feel fluttered when a car honks at me to get out of the way, I suppose Guangdong, with its fewer people and thus fewer cars, has desensitized me to this. I have accepted it has part of the culture and it does make a whole lot of sense when I think of the larger scheme of things. The Chinese seem very flexible in their social relations and a whole lot more spontaneous. Even the government bargains—as with the fee for violating the One Child Policy. In the States, however, I feel that we are very strict about keeping to set rules and having a schedule. Therefore, it is not a surprise that we obey lane lines and yield for pedestrians. This one notion, of accepting behaviors that may appear strange as “culture” stayed with me throughout and my experiences on a scavenger hunt was an example of this.
After a few days of moving in and participating in orientation activities, I was paired up with Sarah Ting, a Shanghainese and Anglo-Saxon who goes to Swarthmore College. We took the subway closest to Beijing University to Tiananmen Square, where we explored the Square, the Forbidden City, and explored a close-by Hutong, or old-style alleyways with homes and shops before taking a taxi back on campus. I would have to say that I was not as overwhelmed as I expected. Though I was in Communist China and that Tiananmen was at the center of government power, there were also lots of Waiguo Ren (outsiders) touring the place along with Chinese. There were several signs with the Olympic slogan “One World One Dream” along with a large float celebrating the Paralympics, so as a semi-outsider, and as an American, I did not feel uncomfortable.
Before I digress, the Square is absolutely beautiful, despite the sea of tourist and street vendors. The architecture was just what I had expected—massive in size and bright in colors with a large scale portrait of Mao Zedong hanging like a monolith. Speaking of Mao, throughout my stay in China, Mao’s presence cannot be ignored—from the pictures printed on the Yuan to the portraits in shops and restaurants, Mao remains a strong symbol of nationalistic pride. Walking around and witnessing the sea of Chinese, the mix of the old with the new (Hutongs, street vendors and cars, high-rises), soldiers (both friendly and not), bottomless children (running around or taking a number-one with the guidance of their parent), I admit that I did feel proud for China. Before I left for China, I had dinner with my father where he had congratulated me because I am going to China, where his heart still remains, and of all places, Beijing, the Capitol that he himself have not visited.
Before leaving for China I had read that although China has the second largest economy in the world, it is also the third most unequal country according to the Gini Coefficient. In short, China has a very large divide between rich and poor. Just like visiting my extended family versus visiting my father’s friends, exploring the Tiananmen area, I easily stepped from a world of modernization and luxury to an older world that is not as dependent on new money and new technology. Having my lunch at the Hutong was an example of this. It is amazing and almost seems impossible, but amongst the high-rises, the cars, and the tourism of Tiananmen, Hutongs lay quietly throughout. Entering the Hutong was like entering a different world—the homes are small and quaint and the people are much simpler in dress and lifestyle. For example, middle-aged men played cards with one another while enjoying beers. Stray cats and dogs were found candidly everywhere.
Entering the small but busy restaurant where Sarah and I decided to have lunch, however, I realized that tourism doesn’t remain within the realm of Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. Just when I told the shufu that we could not read the Chinese menu, he quickly took it away and gave us an English menu with much more expensive prices. It was four kuai for one bowl of mi fan whereas the original was only one kuai. I asked the shufu if the Chinese menu was as expensive as the English one. He then offered us the original prices. Overall, though, it was a fun experience and the shufu and another restaurant worker were a jolly pair delightful to have broken conversations with. Sarah ordered a vegetable dish for ten kuai while I ordered a spicy pork dish for 16 kuai. Plus the two bowls of mi fan it came out to be 28 kuai total. Before we left, we even posed in a picture with the workers.
During my earlier stay in Guangdong, I had an argument with my mother. I told her about how frustrated I was that I did not understand the Chinese language and blamed her for not teaching me. I said that she still speaks to me like a child and therefore my vocabulary and syntax is like that of a child. I told her that in America, I do not feel quite American and in China I do not quite feel Chinese. She told me to be more happy—in China, I should be less stressed. Later, she told me that when I am in Beijing, I should also be more happy. I feel that the mentality she wants me to achieve is that of a tourist.
Truthfully, I am not a tourist nor do I want to be. I cannot just pick and choose the part of Chinese culture and society that I enjoy while leaving the rest of it behind because I am Chinese. However, because of my limitations due to growing up American, at times it is easier to separate myself from the crowd and stand behind that podium of American privilege. I am uncertain as to what to make of my experiences during the scavenger hunt but I can say is that I have a much more complicated view that most. In a sense I can see from the perspective of a Chinese, an American, a student and I am deeply looking forward to what is to come, whether it be more evidence of the class divide like Tiananmen and the Hutong or differences in cultures like car-driving and the people, or a multiplicity of traditions.

Gate 120

August 31st, 2008
LAX, Gate 120 to Hong Kong

A few days ago I Skyped with a friend who was hours away from leaving her house toward the airport, where she would leave the States to Andorra for a year to begin her journey as a Fulbright Scholar. Just last night I went to the going-away dinner of a high school friend who will in one week leave for one year in Scotland. Less than two weeks ago I returned to California from an entire summer interning in Washington D.C.
Now, I am waiting in front of Gate 120 at the Tom Bradley International Airport for my 14 hour flight to Hong Kong and Guangzhou, where I will stay until the 10th, when I will begin my Fall semester at Beijing University. Cantonese and Mandarin are spoken all around me and the people come in so many different shapes, sizes, and shades. Right now I am sitting next to two vulgar-tongued Toisan men who remind me of my maternal grandfather and his sons.
It’s so funny how people and places change so quickly and drastically. The people you once knew are not the same. So many people are leaving the country and exploring new horizons—it’s a wonderful thing. Taking a look back now, I can say that there have been a lot of changes in my life as well. It’s difficult to outline them all specifically and in great detail, but what I can point out is that there are things have stayed the same. I am still looking for new ways to improve myself and expand my horizons. I am still eager to remain politically active and socially conscious. I believe that this election year is one of the most important ones in my life and one that I have waited eight years to participate in. I need to get more informed of the propositions in California and it will be a wonderful day when Obama takes his seat at the Oval Office.
There is so much I hope to accomplish during my stay in China. I can hope to achieve all of these things but I know room for flexibility is a necessity. I hope to take in Hong Kong and see new things—since I am going with my mom I will see where that takes me and trust in her in making my time there worthwhile. I am curious to see how the culture and the fashion is there and hopefully leave being able to say—“Hong Kong is…” When I am in Guangzhou and Kaiping, I need to speak to all the folks I will meet there—family friends and relatives and take in everything they have to say. I cannot wait to see where my parents grew up and where my grandparents lived. I need to make sure that this is documented on film.
Being in Beijing will be a trip—not really knowing the language and not really knowing what to expect of the atmosphere there, but it seems like I have been preparing myself. This summer I hung out with a few friends who spoke primarily Mandarin. Just today, I met a few friends of a friend and we had tea together. I didn’t understand most of what they had to say but I could say that I enjoyed their company. Hopefully it will be the same with the Chinese in Beijing and they will be helpful in guiding my language improvement.
When I begin my semester I look forward to meeting new people and improving my Chinese. I think it will be a big challenge and I will try my best not to get sidetracked. I also look forward to improving my awareness of the politics of the world by reading and reeducating myself on gay and lesbian history. One of the biggest impediments to my social and physical advancement has been time-management. I’m usually a terrible time-manger because I don’t like to be hindered or tied-down by a schedule. Hopefully my semester in Beijing will allot me time for self-improvement. I will go to the gym more often and find a work-out buddy to go with. As I have been telling people, when I come back “you won’t recognize me”.
I am especially looking forward to my independent study, fieldwork and a documentary project on how HIV/AIDS affect gay men in Beijing. It is difficult to generalize about the “gay community” but it will be interesting to compare that community in China to the community in the States. It will be a real experience getting to know gay Beijingers and the struggles and accomplishments of their lives given Beijing’s socio-political climate.
I think that I will have a different view than most people going on the same program. I grew up in a suburban Chinatown so I can say that “China” has always been with me—in the stores I frequent and in the people I meet. But this “China” has always been an imagined China. I was four the last time I was there. It will be an experience to get to know China as it is and in that sense I hope better understand myself and my community as a whole.

Liang Jun Jie